Reflection Essay Rough Draft

Timothy Wellmann

Reflection essay

English 121 Prof. Jenn

12/2/2015

Coming into English 121 this semester I set many goals for myself along with becoming a better writer in the subject overall. I found myself very challenged going into each paper I wrote, but always striving to write to the best of my abilities. Not being that great of a writer myself I found many helpful lessons to take away from this class and also where I think I do very well in my writing.

At the beginning of the semester my goals were to pass the class by putting forth all my effort to get the best grade I could achieve. The reason I set this was because in the past I fell into procrastinating on work way too often. This often kept me from doing my best work. I have achieved this goal this semester by pushing myself to work on my papers weeks in advance and breaking up my work throughout the week. I found this really impacted the quality of my paper for the better. Another goal I had was to work what we learned in class to real world experiences with writing. Our class blogs really helped me with that. Thanks to our blogs I have gained the confidence to create and design a blog of my own in the future. At first I had no clue where to start or how difficult it would be to create and design one. With the help of my group through the semester and working on ours I feel very comfortable working with the tools similar to the ones used in class. Then my final goal for this class was I wanted to use it to become a better writer. I think I have partially achieved this goal. The reason being that I have vastly increased in skills such as I don’t address the reader directly anymore, jump to conclusions, or beg the question in my writing anymore. Also there are still many more aspects in my writing I need to improve upon. Some these include doing my in text citations properly and using correct grammar and punctuation.

The research process of my research paper really surprised me for because most of the information I found was completely against my original thesis. I wanted to write about how more gun control would keep America safe, but as I started my research I found how complicated gun control actually is. This caused my to completely change my thesis into what the information supported. I really enjoyed this part of the research process that I could have a completely changed opinion from what I found. This made my paper more difficult for me since I had to change up my thesis, but I did more research to adapt. I probably did five hours worth of research on top of what I did before I changed my thesis. My favorite part of my essay is when I explain how people with mental illness should be aloud to obtain guns because they are no more dangerous than anybody else. I feel like my instructor will enjoy the opposing argument of my essay. The reason why is I feel like I did a great job on explaining how gun control hasn’t worked in most countries, and that violence rates actually went up. I feel like the weakest part of my essay is where I explain how difficult gun control laws are to pass in the United States. The reason why I feel like this part is weak is because I don’t feel like I explained it in depth enough. The reason why I didn’t make this part longer though is my paper was already over seven pages long and I felt like it was already too long for my subject.

My advice for future students doing research papers is the following. My first piece of advice is to use your online databases. The reason I say this is because the quality of information in the online databases is superb compared to what you will find anywhere else online. Also when doing research make sure you know what you are looking for. If you are not looking for a specific piece of information for your paper you are more likely to get off topic during your writing which can destroy your grade. If future students follow those hints they will avoid some of the problems I ran to in this class, but I believe I have learned from those mistakes. This class has helped me become a better writer and even though I might not be proficient yet, but I will keep striving till I am.

Revision Update

1. One thing I think I do really well in my paper that would get me a Superior (A) on the rubric is my thesis statement. In my paper all the evidence I present is all related to my argument without any rambling
2. One thing I think I would score a competent or a (C) on in my paper is in my use of in text citations. The reason for this is I present my sources as evidence really well, but I seam to site them incorrectly in my in text citation.
3. Then something I feel I will score weak (D) in is in my Style. Throughout all my papers I always have a bunch of small grammar and spelling mistakes. The most common mistake I have is misuse of my commas.

Chapter 17 response

Chapter 17 is a chapter that discusses how to use other people's sources in your writing and how to avoid plagiarizing their writing. The chapter starts out by explaining the different ways you can insert some ones writing into your own. The ways the chapter cited are summarizing, quoting, paraphrasing, and synthesizing. The chapter then explains how to to do each one individually and a definition of each one. For example "when you quote, you use a writer's exact words as they appear in the source, including all punctuation, capitalization, and spelling." (721) Then the chapter ends in a helpful little section that discusses how to avoid plagiarism. Over all I found this chapter super helpful. The reason for this is with our current paper being a research paper we have to examine multiple sources and find a way to convey their information into our paper without stealing it and giving them the credit. I will definitely be referring back to this article before I turn in my final draft to make sure I give credit where credit is due.


Image source

Three Rough Draft Improvements

My paper

• The first I improved my paper is I reworded part of my conclusion that didn't really flow.
• The second way I improved on my paper was on my work cited page. On my first draft I printed I made a mistake where my work cited page printed half way down the page. Now my work cited format is correct.
• The final thing I fixed in my paper is I had a couple extra word or missing word mistakes. For example I cited the an author of an article before and then after the quote.

Peter's paper

• The first thing Peter fixed in his paper was he previously had a paragraph describing the Mexican drug cartels business in sex trafficking, but he took it out. That was a good decision because this paragraph felt like it didn't really belong in his paper because it doesn't have to do with his thesis.
• The second thing Peter did was he reworded the start to his second paragraph so it flowed better. Before I didn't know if he meant the cartel brings supplies to make drugs into the U.S, but now I know he meant they supply us with drugs.
• Then over all he took out some extra words, put commas where they were needed, and put in words that were missing. Which now his paper has a nice flow to it.

Ethos, Pathos, And Logos In Writing

Definitions

• Ethos are the credibility of the information you use in your writing. This applies the statistics, quotes, and sources you use for your writing. That is why it is important to evaluate the sources in your writing. Your reader won't be convinced to take your side of a subject if they don't trust or believe the sources you are giving them.
• Pathos are when you try swaying your audience by using their emotions. One way you can use Pathos in your writing is by using images. An example of this when the news reports a catastrophe the station will shows videos and pictures of people crying, destroyed homes, and interview people during an earthquake to draw their audience in through sympathy to watch their program. Another way Pathos assist in writing is they make the audience feel like they can relate to the Author. The picture in the comic is perfect for this example because when Liz posted that picture of her cat that past away, Her audience can relate to that. Because almost all of them have probably have lost a pet in the past. The final way someone can apply Pathos to their writing is by writing using an anecdote in their paper.
• Logos are the most used of the three appeals. Logos are when you appeal to the audience sense of reasons. This is usually the goal of all papers is to present your audience with an idea and by the conclusion of your paper you have used reason to make your audience to think the same thing. You can achieve this by showing statistics, rebutting the counter argument, or explaining why your argument is valid.

Using Ethos, Pathos, and Logos in my research paper

• Ethos: I'm going to build my credibility is through the the statistics and studies my sources have presented me with.
• First I have a study done that shows more than half police deaths happen from an illegally purchased firearm
• I'm gong to quote one of my sources that was written by two authors who both have PhD's that shows that doctors and other professionals and predict future gun violence by a person who is suffering from mental illness.
•   I have statistics that show Australia's gun violence went down with more gun control. This builds my credibility by showing I'm not blind to the opposition, but I'm going to rebuttal it after I present it.
• Pathos
• I'm going to tell the story of Adam Lanza and the Sandy Hook shooting, and another shooting at a middle school to relate to my audience that I understand these awful events taking place.
• After I reason that mental illness doesn't increase gun violence. I'm going to tell a few stories of people with mental illness who did great things. I'm doing this to show my audience that we shouldn't fear people with mental illness, but to sympathize with them.
• Finally I'm going to expose how we live in a gun centered culture. Part of this is going to come from the story of the revolution, our music, and our entertainment. This will connect me with my audience by showing we all live in the same culture together.
• Logos: Here are my main reasoning points I'm going to argue in my essay.
• Mental illness doesn't affect gun violence so not allowing people suffering from mental to by guns won't stop future gun violence.
• We should focus on using money for gun control on policies that will protect people instead. Such as having police officers in schools.
• Most felonies can obtain a firearm illegally
• Further gun control laws will not pass with our current culture.
• Most mass shootings have happened with hand guns vs. assault weapons

Chapter 16 Response

   Chapter 16 discusses the very important topic of finding and evaluating sources, which is a skill every Student needs to have. The chapter begins with the sources you can find related to your campuses library such as online catalogs, electronic data bases, reference works, and sources for facts and statistics. The chapter then goes on to explain and define each one of these such as an electronic database is "Libraries subscribe to electronic databases- for example, Expanded academic ASAP or LexisNexis Academic Universe. These are electronic databases enable you to access information from hundreds of newspapers, magazines, and journals." (713-714) The chapter then goes on to discuss the difference of scholar sources you can get from your library vs normal articles you find online. The article explains how to evaluate the source to see if it credible to use in your work. Some of questions you can ask your self while reading an online article can be is it current? Is the author an expert in the subject? Is the information influenced? Does it provide professional examples to shoe it's accurate? Does it cover the subject in depth? Then the chapter explains that when using a source from the library it has already been checked through and approved. So you don't need to worry about those things when using a source from your library.
    My personal reaction of this article is that I know a lot of this information all ready. Growing up in today's generation teachers understand that this is a skill all students need to learn at an early age. The book states to never use Wikipedia, but that is something I've known since my early stages of learning to write research papers in middle school. So overall I personally didn't take anything in from this article, but that doesn't mean this article is a waste. This chapter can possess great information for someone who is returning to college in there late 30's and up who didn't grow up with this information being standard. So this Chapter can be really helpful to the people who need it.

- Timothy Wellmann


Image source

Video Project Link

Video Link

Evaluating Online Resources

Topic

• Gun violence and mental illness

 Article Impressions

• I'm using an article from The New Yorker called "Is There A Link Between Mental Health And Gun Violence?" my first impressions of the credibility are pretty good from what I've seen so far. The New Yorker is a news website with a wide variety of articles spanning from politics to humor. There are many Advertisements that border each article and you have to watch one before you read each article, but overall I think the website is pretty credible.The All the statistics in the article have embedded link to where if you click on them they direct you to where the author received her information, and each author has a link where you can read more articles by them.

Information

• 46% of people think people with mental illness are more dangerous
• more people believe mass shootings happen from mental illness vs easier gun access
• 34,000 mental patients guns ceased
• In a study done by Swanson only 4% of violent acts were done because of mental illness
• linked to gender and substance abuse

Quote

• When the all data is examined. The only violence that it causes is the "Increases the risk of gun violence when that violence takes the form of suicide." (Konnikova)

Work cited

    Konnikova, Maria. "Is There A Link Between Mental Health and Gun Violence?" The New Yorker. The New Yorker, 19 Nov. 2014. Web. 8 Oct. 2015.

Database Impressions

• The first thing I noticed about the database article is the length of it. The article is seven pages long. Another observation I had is that it has two and a half pages of sources after the article. Then my final observation is there are two authors in the database article. 

Comparison

• From what I observed the database article is a lot more informative than the one I found online. The Article its self is seven times longer and the information is a better quality. the reason I know this is The New Yorker Article Is written just by one person who I don't have any background information on. The article in the database isn't just written by one author, it is written by two who both have a PhD. Then Finally I know the Authors did plenty of research based on the sources they have listed after their Article. When compared to the article online which just provides links in the text that you can follow if you want to see the research.

Work Cited

   Turndolf J. Was Adam Lanza an Undiagnosed Schizophrenic? Phychol Today. December 20, 2012. available at http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wecan-work-it-out/201212/was-adam-lanza-undiagnosedschizophrenic. Accessed July 23, 2014.

Chapter 14 Response

   Chapter 14 is an informative chapter that take a in depth look on how to develop a argument and how to accurately express your side of the subject logically.
   The Chapter explains many of the important thing to keep in mind when forming an argument. For example it is important to keep your audience in mind, and what their view points may be. The book state on page 526 that "It is probably best to assume that some, if not most, of your readers are skeptical." So that you can make sure you have real support of your argument. The book also states that every opinion you have should be supported by facts, or else the audience may not agree with you. The best way to support your opinions too is an expert who is credible in the subject. The chapter also explains how to refute the opposition. They state that you lose credibility if you ignore it completely and it is best to just refute them head on.
   The end of the chapter where it deals with fallacies probably helped me the most personally. according to the book on page 535 "Fallacies are illogical statements that may sound reasonable or true but are actually deceptive and dishonest." Then they go on to list the fallacies and explain them such as begging the question, argument from analogy, personnel attack, false dilemma, jumping to a conclusion, you also, misleading statistic, and many more listed than those. I tend to beg the question and jump to conclusions in my writing so this page will be a great reference for me writing in the future. Then the final part that really helped me in this chapter is the useful transition for argumentation on page 538. In my writing I tend to find myself at a stand still from one point to another. So thanks to this little box I have a bunch of transitions so I don't repeat the same phrase over and over in my essay.
   Chapter 14 was a very informative look on forming an argument and how to defend it, and introduced me to new things I can apply to my writing.

-Timothy Wellmann




Image source (http://classroomclipart.com/clipart-view/Clipart/People/two_men_debate_jpg.htm)

Chapter 14 Review.

Argumentation is, essentially, an argument. The point is to persuade the reader to one side or the other. Chapter 14 discusses this in-depth.
Persuasion: how a writer influences the audience to follow a course of action or adopt a belief. (p. 524)
Most argumentative essays are riddled with persuasive points. They can translate over to argumentative points when they become more concrete.
Argumentation: the appeal to reason.

The points that a writer hits to connect with the audience and win them over are what I've known as pathos (emotion), ethos (reputation of the writer), and logos (logical appeal).

This chapter emphasizes the importance of making claims that are well-supported. It reminds us that the audience will mostly be skeptical, and to not assume anything will be understood in the essay unless it is very clearly stated and backed up.
It covers similar topics to the Exemplification chapter, in that support/examples should be relevant, representative, typical, and sufficient. (p 528). Chapter 14 also reiterates the need for documentation or proof of some sort in order to avoid plagiarism.

Things I learned:
A Rogerian argument does not follow the typical wrong/right argument. It involves the agreement points of both arguments, and uses them to find common ground.
Syllogism: consists of a major premise (general statement), minor premise (related but specific statement), and a conclusion.
- This is a type of deductive argument.
There are tons of logical fallacies. Tons. I've done most of them.

Overall, this was a pretty informative chapter. It reviewed a lot for me but also threw in some new things that I wouldn't have associated with argumentative essays.

-Devon

Outline For Devon's exemplification Essay

Thesis

• Minimum wage is not a comfortable wage, but it is a livable wage.

Example 1

• Statistic of how much the average cost of living is, and if minimum wage can cover it.
• Phone bill
• food
• insurance
• rent

Example 2

• personnel experience
• Roommates
• Living within your means

Example 3

• could be raised?
• how much more?
• downside to raising it?

Conclusion

- Timothy Wellmann

Outline For Tim's Exemplification Essay!

Tim's Essay Outline done by Devon

Intro: I believe the federal ban on the recreational use of marijuana should be lifted.

1. What the federal ban on recreational marijuana looks like.

• Medical vs recreational ban

2. Legalized states.

• How are they different? (dispensaries, local tolerance, ect.)
• How are they the same? (how are they influenced by the federal ban?)

3. What would legalization nationwide look like?

• Growers and sellers rules
• Government involvement in growing/selling
• State restrictions: any/what/where?

4. Influence on national budget/other benefits

• Where would the tax money from sales go?
• Specific programs it would benefit
• How would it help the economy?

Conclusion.

Logical Fallacy

Jumping to a conclusion

The book says: this fallacy occurs when a conclusion is reached on the basis of too little evidence.

We say: assuming the outcome without enough research/evidence.

Ways To Avoid It:
- More evidence!
- Less assuming
- Better flow
- Thorough research

Image Source

-Devon & Tim

Exemplification Essay

Minimum wage is not a comfortable wage, but it is a livable wage.

--The thesis statement I will be exploring in this essay.

Devon D

Edit: Changed my essay topic at the last minute. New thesis.
The positive and negative effects of social networking have expanded and increased over the years, spanning from relationships with family and friends, to employment and education. 

Exemplification essay thesis

I believe the federal ban on the recreational use of marijuana should be lifted.

Chapter 8 Reading Response

   Chapter 8 explains to readers how to write an exemplification essay. The chapter does a great way of teaching the reader on providing enough examples, choosing a fair range of examples, using transitions, and structuring it.
   I found the information really helpful with how detailed it is on explains what a good example looks like. on page 221 the chapter states "be sure to use transitional words and phrase to introduce your examples." This will help the reader's writing so that their examples feed into each other for a smooth transition.
  Personally this chapter helped me a lot. I learned a lot of ways to portray my examples, and how placement of examples matters.
   I will be referring to this chapter a lot during the next essay thanks to the useful information it presented.

-Timothy Wellmann




(Image taken from http://www.clipartpanda.com/clipart_images/example-example-clipart-7166633)

Just Walk On By: Questions and Response

Comprehension:
1. Staples characterizes the woman he encounters in paragraph 1 as a "victim" of the way she acts. She appears to be worried and moves to cross the street, making it clear that she feels she is a victim and finds him intimidating, even though the author is completely harmless.

2. Staples can alter public space because of his appearance. He writes this from personal experience, has noticed the way people lock their car doors and cross to the opposite side of the street. He knows he can alter just by walking through.

3. He has insomnia, so he walks the streets at night.

4. The "making of a young thug" are those where a young man is seduced by the violence, "by the perception of themselves as tough guys." (Para. 8)  Staples also states that men are supposed to be fighters, to be hostile and have the "fighter's edge" in everything they do.

5. Staples moves with care, gives people more space, and whistles relaxing tunes while he walks places. He pays attention to how closely he is to people, makes it apparent that he is not following them, and is generally very cautious.

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Purpose and Audience:
1. Thesis: It was in the echo of that terrified woman's footfalls that I first began to know the unwieldy inheritance I'd come into- the ability to alter public space in ugly ways.

2. He uses personal examples throughout the essay, and throws in a few direct quotes from essays he's read that relate. His personal examples make it a strong essay because it is from his viewpoint, and he uses so many stories to back up his point that it is difficult to argue against him at all.

3. He assumes that women are always "victim" and that they all would move across the street and show fear. He also assumes everyone is scared of him.

4. He is trying to induce the fear that people feel around him, and uses that as a hook to bring people in. It works because it draws you in: you worry about what he is doing wrong from the beginning.

---

Style and Structure:
1. Staples mentions Podhoretz because it shows that he is not the only one with the viewpoint. He uses it for a concrete example to display that others have experienced it as well.

2. The anecdote is a great strategy because most of his examples are personal. Another opening strategy would not do the essay justice.

3. If he had more concrete examples woven into his personal examples, he would make a better argument. More concrete examples would add a more brutally honest side to the essay, and make it more apparent that it is not just his perspective.

4. He uses mostly personal examples with no clear order, weaving the few outside examples he has through his experiences throughout the essay.

5. Thug- Synonyms: criminal, gangster, villain, hoodlum. Thug, to me, describes a poorer person with a lack of character and a need to cause trouble. Those other synonyms are not as strong in showing what Staples means.
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Journal Entry:

Tim: When I first started going to the gym, there were some guys I found intimidating that were using the punching bags, bodies covered in tattoos, that are some of the nicest people I know now.

Devon: I've been in a ton of situations where someone came across threatening, and used to run scared, but now I stand my ground and try to brave through the situation.
---

Staples observation concerning the "male romance with the power to intimidate" is accurate. It's seen everywhere you turn, from television to daily life; men are consistently trying to intimidate other men, and to outperform those around them. In his essay he means that this power to intimidate is alluring, and that it took some of the men he grew up around. They became lesser versions of their non-intimidating selves. They became thugs.


-Devon, Tim

Chapter 8: Exemplification

Personal Reaction:

A chapter on exemplification, as one would generally assume, is all about explaining yourself. Using enough examples, placing them in the right spots, and using a variety of them in an essay. The chapter almost over-explains in attempting to get the point across: exemplification makes or breaks an essay. Good essays will have tons of examples, poor essays will have more generalization.
I personally have a relatively easy time with exemplification, but a more difficult time finding a variety of examples to back up my statements.
One of the more important issues addressed in this chapter is the choppiness that can result from having too many examples and not connecting them correctly. Too many staccato paragraphs makes for a difficult to read essay, so the best thing that can be done here is to edit, edit, edit. Edit until the essay flows, take out paragraphs, add in transitions. Edit. A. Ton.
The essays that are seen throughout the chapter do a wonderful job of making it clear how necessary exemplification can be, if the topic requires it. Carefully quoting from a similar work can add depth and persuade the reader to see from the writers point of view.
Overall, this was a fairly informative chapter. It contains a lot of information that I'll be able to refer to later, but also reiterates the importance of organization and having a clear topic.

- Devon D

What Are Your Children Playing?

By Timothy Wellmann

December 14th, 2012. A day of of tragedy for all of America. In Newtown Connecticut Adam Lanza walked into Sandy Hook elementary school and shot and killed his mother along with 6 other teachers, and 20 students. It was later revealed that Lanza a (gamer himself) was a big fan of Call Of Duty. Lanza’s attack is not the first crime that has been blamed as the product of  video game violence. People fear that these video games are corrupting the youth of America. Which instead of pointing the finger on the industry itself. Parents need to educate themselves on what their children are playing.

According  to a survey done by  the Pew Internet & American Life project who surveyed 1,102 representatives for children 12-17 over the phone in 2007 found that 97% of the respondents play video games. When the boys who had taken the survey were asked what their favorite games was more than half of the boys who were included in that survey stated that their favorite game was one with an “M” or “AO” rating. Some parents may ask what the “M” or “AO” rating means. A survey done by the website playr2.com asked 1221 parents if they checked the rating of the games their children played. To which 64% of the parents answered they don’t check the ratings on the games their children play. Then of that 64% playr2 went on to explain “ 55%, simply explained that they did not think that age restrictions ‘mattered' on video games.” Parents need to understand that video games are regulated the same as other media such as music or movies. Like movies may be rated “R” or music a get a parental advisory sticker on the cover, video games have the same thing. Thanks to the ESRB (Entertainment Software Rating Board) video games have a rating system. The rating system goes from “C” for early childhood, “E” for everybody, “E10+” for children 10 years old and up, “T” for Teen meant for kids 13 and up, “M” For mature meant for people age 17 and up, then “AO” for adults 18 and up. Along with these labels on the box they also place notes alongside stating why the game was given that rating. For instance Blood and Gore, Language, crude humor,sexual content, etc. Just for a reference though. One of the games Adam Lanza was playing at the time was Call Of Duty 4: Advanced Warfare. Which was rated “M” for blood and gore, intense violence, and strong language. So with these ratings parents should not have a problem with getting games appropriate for their children.

(Image taken by Timothy Wellmann)

Another thing parents need to do if they don’t know what their children are playing is to take the time to watch their child play a little. That doesn’t mean for parents should spy on their children, but to spend some time with them. Video games can be an opportunity for them to spend some quality time with their children. Parents should also let their children show them what they are doing in their free time, and even play the game with their children. They shouldn’t view it as a waste of time. Games actually have some health benefits. A study done in 2003 by Daphne Bavelier, a neuroscientist at the University of Rochester, New York showed that people who played action video games had on average better reaction times, spacial awareness, and sight than non gamers. Along with those slight benefits parents may actually find the games fun.

The final thing parents should do is talk to their children about the subject matter in video games. Video games could be great conversation piece for teaching children morals. Parents could talk to their children about how they need to separate video games from real life. They can talk to them about how violence is glorified in movies and video games, and how it differs from real life violence. They can talk about how war in games like Call of Duty are fun to play, but how real life war is horrible. They can explain to their children  about how war causes soldiers suffer from PTSD and other injuries. Or they can discuss why the villain is doing bad things, and maybe how he could have found other proper ways to reach the goal they are trying to achieve. Then after talking to their children parents can gauge whether their child is mature enough to play games that may be aimed toward an older audience.

So next time you child asks you to take them to get the newest Mortal Kombat Or Grand Theft Auto don’t put that game in your cart because your child tells you “It’s okay everyone plays it.” Either put it in because you’ve done research on it and your child is mature enough to understand that it is just a game, Or place it back and tell them they are not old enough yet. Because at the end of the day it is your choice.

Work cited

Cox, Kate. "Two-Thirds of Parents Admit They Don't Bother Checking Video Game Age Ratings." Kotaku. N.p., 13 Apr. 2012. Web. 7 Sept. 2015.

Fleming, Nic. "Why Video Games May Be Good for You." BBC. BBC, 26 Aug. 2013. Web. 7 Sept. 2015.

"Survey: Nearly Every American Kid Plays Video Games." ABC News. ABC News Network, n.d. Web. 14 Sept. 2015. <http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=5817835&page=1>.

The Atlantic review

    The Atlantic is a great blog. I would rate it an 9 on organization thanks to the separation based on the type of news article. I would give it an 10 on quality of content because it covers so many subjects I believe there is something for everybody. Creativity wise I would only give it a 7 because though the news paper look is nice it is kind of plain and boring. Then for both author credibility and consistency I would give it an 8. All the authors seam knowledgeable on their subjects and the Atlantic is always up to date with current events.

-Timothy Wellmann

Image source ( http://www.adweek.com)

Mini essay Thesis

Video games and violence

• History of video game violence
• affects video game violence on children
• Negative affects?
• No affects?
• Development of the ESRB
• Banned games in certain countries

Possible thesis

• Video games have a rich history some of it includes violence lets see how violent games have developed through the years.
• According to research do violent video games harm children and make them violent?
• The ESRB was created to help regulate the sell of violent video games and why that was the right choice.
• why games should be banned because of violence

Chosen Thesis

• According to research do violent video games harm children and make them violent.

-Timothy Wellmann

 
Image source nytimes

Blog Rating: Underground New York Public Library

I would rate this blog at a 7.5 out of 10. It is visually appealing, with a clean design. It lacks in creativity, since all the posts are the same, but it has an interesting idea behind it, found in the About section. The blogger discusses how he takes pictures of people with books because we are all in the same story. It's a beautiful idea that has drawn thousands of people to this blog.

ImageSource

-Devon D

Art in Schools: Thesis Statement

When constructing a thesis statement, I find asking myself a couple of questions helps:

What about art in schools is interesting/controversial?
    - Art brings color and liveliness to somewhat more mundane subjects and daily activities
    - Creativity is controversial; art vs. other subjects
Does art take away or add to the learning environment?
    - helps with visual learning...can connect things in new/other ways.
    - visual learning

Thesis: 
Art in schools is important because it encourages creativity, while also helping with alternative thinking and visual learning.

image source: jamonkey.com

- Devon D

The Atlantic Blog Review

     

Image source: TheAtlantic.com

  This week our group followed different blogs. Of all of them, The Atlantic was the top choice. The Atlantic is a quality news blog that follows news events from around the world, covering a wide variety of subjects. I recently had the opportunity to follow it daily, and these are some of my observations.

   The blog is very organized, and user-friendly. On the home page, you are presented with a mass amount of stories, carefully sectioned according to content. Each section is headlined with the top stories of the day, and they are labelled specifically. U.S., global, entertainment, cultural news, and more is readily available. The articles themselves are written and presented really well, and the authors appear to be well-informed and reliable. The blog itself looks really professional, taking the look of an online news paper. The articles are eye-catching, titled in bold, with a short summary and the author's name in bright red. Pictures are attached to almost every article, adding to The Atlantic's great overall appeal. 

         We would highly recommend The Atlantic. It is visually pleasing, informative, and well organized. With it's high variety of subjects and spectacular authors, there is something for everyone.

- Timothy Wellmann, Devon D

Reverse Outline

Introduction:
I. Anecdote- Gordinier talks about personal emails and how he writes them
Thesis: "See the e-blurt, like so many modes of personal expression, is all about power."

Support:
1. Discusses how busier is equal to more powerful
2. Hip-powerful: show power and claim to be hip by following the trends to misspell
3. Deciphering messages makes the people beneath work harder
4. The visual chart on different text speak with translation
5. Counter-argument: text speak could come back to haunt them if records of bad emails are pulled by lawyers

Conclusion: "...the people who really understand [power] don't say anything at all."


-Timothy Wellmann, Smriti, Devon D.

Day one inteviews with Devon

                                                                                                                                                  

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Smriti Sharma

Aug 26,2015

             My friend Devon she is 21 years old. she was born in boulder.Her aim is to be a nurse.I ask her about writing skill .she share me some of the things when she write a essay.she like to write creative writing .she is not a poet .she don't write any weekly email to her friend .she do not have to write any memo or reports at work.But she has a habit to write to-do list.2 years ago she take a Eng 121 class and later she drop a class because she did not like a instructor.she like work shopping, when she was in middle school she take English class.she know computer and Microsoft world .when she get time she is online at home.she is good at social networking . she is not so familiar at campus library.she came back after 2 year when she drop her Eng 121 class in 2013.she enjoy writing essay and she want to improve her essay.she has a problem with writing essay so she want to improve her writing essay.

Personal Reaction, Chapter 3

This chapter felt like a repeat of everything I've learned previously. It refreshed a few things I needed to brush up on, mostly about essay organization and making sure there is enough support in the essay, but that is nothing new. The descriptive checklists are something I will be using in the future, just to double check my work and to make sure I'm asking all the right questions. I doubt I will be consulting it for essay structure, but it never hurts to have a back-up. Mostly, I found this chapter tired and overdone. The Orwell essay was a unique fit for it, and was useful in that it showed a different type of essay than the typical three point, five paragraph style we have all come to know and write on autopilot. 
 
The first few chapters in this book have confirmed that this class will help me to start writing for school again, and not just writing for work or to my friends. The chapters do have helpful tips and tricks, as well as information to help if I'm stuck while writing. While it is the basic fundamentals of English that we all must learn to become better writers, it is still a bit dry and boring thus far. It might be helpful for me with writing longer essays, as I tend to be a very concise writer and feel like I'm rambling when I write more than a page or two.

Until next class, everyone!
-Devon D.

Steroids in the Hall of Fame Response 1-4

What is the writer's general subject?
The writers general subject is drug and alcohol usage in baseball, and how the view has changed as baseball itself has evolved.

What is the writer's main point?
Chafets states explicitly that: "If [baseball] surrenders to the moralists who want to turn back the clock to some imagined golden era, and excommunicates the greatest stars anyone has ever seen, it will suffer the fate of all battlefields located on the wrong side of history. Obscurity." With this statement, he drives his main point home. He wants baseball to be less about who is doing what drugs, and more about how well the game is being played.

What are the writer's key supporting points?
In paragraph 3, Chafets implies that the use of drugs helped performance by lowering stress: "...players have used whatever substances they believed would help them perform better, heal faster, or relax during a long and stressful season."
His secondary point is that "chemical enhancement won't kill the game; it is the cover-up that could be fatal"(Paragraph 10). One of his final key statements discusses that maturity. He states that "...baseball players aren't children...If they want to use anabolic steroids...it should be up to them." (Paragraph 12)

Does the writer seem to have a particular purpose in mind?
Chafets purpose is simple. He wants the cloak to be taken off, for baseball and all its players to come out from the shadows and live the life they chose. He wishes for the Baseball Hall of Fame to be more than an imagined dreamland, or a war-zone, and become an obtainable goal.

-Devon D.

Chapter 3 Reading Response

Chapter three of ”Patterns For College Writing” gives guidelines on how to write and organize the thesis, body, and conclusion to an essay. I thought it was a nice way to refresh thing that i’ve learned in the past, But also does a great detailed guidelines as well in the nice format of information the book gives.

Personally I found a lot of the information the chapter gave was stuff I already knew. The basic premise of a Thesis, Body and Conclusion is something a lot of people learn before they write their first essay. But even though I knew the basics going into the chapter. The finer details are always good to revisit. The part I found the most helpful was the highlighted blue checklist boxes that reminded me of some of the little things that I’ve forgot. For instance Don’t announce what you intend to. For my writing that tends to be a bad habit that I can slip into. or using the term “in my opinion” which is self discrediting.

Those little checklist boxes are what helped me the most. Professionally I think the layout of this book is great. for this chapter they would split the different parts of an essay into sections. then from those sections they would write what the goal of that section was. For example the wrote how the goal of your thesis is to grab the attention of your audience. Then after the The main writing the author inserted little pointers in a highlighted check box which is really easy to find if you want to reference it later. an example of one of these pointers in the Thesis introduction section is the book explains “ Don’t wander. your introduction should draw readers into your essay as soon as possible. avoid irrelevant comments or annoying digressions that distract readers and make them want to stop reading.” Then after each one of those the book has a little exercise that you can do if you want to practise what you have just learned.

From the little I’ve experienced with this book I’m happy with the way it displays information, and look forward to working with it in the future,

-Timothy J Wellmann

Image taken from (http://weknowmemes.com/2012/08/i-hate-writing-essays/)

Day one interviews

Timothy Joseph Wellmann

Interview paper

8/26/2015

I recently had the opportunity to interview Scotty, who I sit next to in my English 121 class. Scotty is a 26 year old nanny, and also currently studying graphic design. These are some of the interesting things I learned about here during our short interview.

To start our interview I asked some personal questions, and this is what I discovered. she is originally from Oklahoma. while she was there she attended a private school she wasn't too fond of. She said she was the quieter type in high school. Later on when she started college she was studying in the medical field, but as that began to progress on she found herself beginning to lose interest and starting to become burnt out. After that is when she started to pursue graphic design. She told me she was a little nervous at first because she didn't have any background working in programs like photoshop or adobe, and other programs such as those. So to start familiarizing herself with them she purchased photoshop and began trying to figure it out and learning for herself. Now she is in her final year and is looking to either go to a university to get her bachelor's, or locking down an internship down in Denver.

After that we moved to the subject of our English 121 class and just about writing in general. these are some of the things I learned. Scotty has had this class in the past, but she dropped out. The reason for this was she had a professor she didn't like and didn't really connect with. After that I had told her I have taken this class before as well. But I took it as an AP class back in highschool, But chose not to pay for the college credit with it because I didn't know what I was going to do after high school.  when asked about the class as a subject she told me how it is not her strongest subject. she responded with “When I’m writing I have a hard time showing what I’m trying to explain. I’m better in Math and science type classes.” Which I thought was funny because I explained to her that those are my two least favorite classes, and probably the ones I’m the worst at. I have personally always been better at history and english. When asked about her goal for this class. She said she wants to learn how to become a better writer, and also to just get through it since it has given her problems in the past. She also told me about how she doesn’t do too much writing in her day to day life. Her writing usually consists of the daily E-mails, texts, FaceBook messages, and Tweets. She is a big list maker though. Being a Nanny she has to keep organized with the things the children need, for instance groceries.

To conclude my interview  we just got into some light conversation. With one subject including skiing. The conversation came up after I told her I worked at Winter park this previous season in the rental shop. She then told me that was her go to place to ski. when I asked her how good she was. She told me that this was only her second season, but she could now do blues. She then told me the struggle of riding with people who are way better than her, and how they have to wait up on her most of the time.

After that our interview was over, and that is what I have learned about Scotty

-Timothy Wellmann

Let steroids into the hall of fame response questions 5-7

5) What kind of audience is the writer addressing?

I believe the audience the writer is addressing is fans of baseball. The reason I believe this is the object of the writing is to try and sway the readers to accept chemical enhancements as part of the sport. In his article he states “Fans will accept anything except the sense that they are lying to.” So he is saying that the fans would accept chemical enhancements as long as the athletes are admitting it and it is out in the open.

6) What are the writer’s assumptions about the audience? about the subject?

I think the writer’s assumptions about the audience is they don’t realize how much of a role that chemical enhancements have played in the history of baseball. That's why Chafets states “as far back as 1889, the pitcher Pud Galvin ingested monkey testosterone.” He uses that instance to show the audience that these kinds of instances have happened even over a 100 years ago. Then an assumption I feel like he makes about the subject is that a chemical enhancement rule change in not any different from any other change the league has seen. “But since the hall opened it’s doors, baseball has never stopped changing. Batters now wear body padding and helmets. The pitcher’s mound has risen and fallen. Bats have more pop.”

7) Are the writer’s ideas consistent with your own?

I absolutely disagree with the writer on this subject. The reason is I don’t believe in athletes using chemicals that destroy their bodies just to try being great. These chemicals are proven to cause medical problems. Saying you support what this writer is saying is in my opinion like saying you support anorexia in models, and saying it's fine because it keeps them looking fit without them really having to try and it's their choice. When instead they have to do it now because that is the norm, and they have to do it to keep up with where their industry is going. So if chemicals enhancements became allowed athletes who don’t want those medical problems will be forced to take them to be able to compete with the other athletes that are using them.

Timothy J Wellmann

Interviews (Day One): Smriti

 

Smriti is brave, and very smart; that is clear to me within minutes of our conversation. She moved here in 2011 from Nepal, and has had to work her way up to English 121, continuously improving her English along the way. I have never been out of the country myself, so I have to imagine how difficult it is to move somewhere foreign, learning a new language along the way. She moved here because of her love for numbers, and is seeking an Accounting degree. She has been at Front Range since 2013, and knows the campus well. In that time, she has taken one other English class: a reading and composition class. Her preferred method of writing essays is pen and paper. She wrote out essays more frequently in her previous English class, and says she prefers it to typing one up on a computer.

We are both seeking college degrees, and this has taken us to the same English class. She wishes to improve her English as a whole, while I wish to improve my writing style. While I foresee very few problems with English 121, she has concerns because English is her second language. She has built up to this class over past few years, whereas it is a simple stepping stone for me. She and I both enjoy workshopping, because it gives a personal, one-on-one view of another’s writing and critique. While she is here for Accounting, I am here to eventually become a nurse. While our worlds may be totally different, on paper, Smriti is easy to talk to and our interview was enjoyable. 

- Devon D.